What a worthwhile journey. After many wrong turns, several breathtaking views, 7500 ft. of elevation change, new friends made, along with a few blisters, we were standing at the top of the pinnacle of our hiking career. Even though we felt exhausted, we had made it. Royal Arch. It is one of the greatest natural sights that I have seen in my life. It is a place among the Flatiron Mountains in Boulder, Colorado where two very large rocks a long time ago had fallen together in an eternal bond for all who brave the journey up the trail to see. Now, I am not trying to sound like we are a big deal. Thousands of people have made the climb. Some people make it multiple times a week. The friends we met along the way made it up there in flip flops, cargo shorts and a graphic tee without breaking a sweat. I was in full tourist and hiking nerd garb. I included a picture so you could see what I mean. I even had the camera strapped to the front of me, (as if the high socks weren’t enough.) So why was this climb so significant to me? How did this trek change my life forever? What was the change? These are all good questions, and hopefully I can give you some answers. We may need to back track a little to help understand the moral of the story.
I, like many of you, want more. Let me elaborate. I want more for my family, I want more resources and people around me to change the world for the better. I want more time with my wife. I want kids…not yet but at some point, and so on and so on. In this quest of wanting more, I have obviously had to seek out an education on how to achieve it. Since formal education was not very much my forte (meaning I never did my homework, got bad grades and was lazy,) I was going to have to go a non traditional route. I figured that there are plenty Of people who have succeeded without formal education, so I could learn from them. In that pursuit, I have had the opportunity to learn from many successful(in the relevance version of the word) people. Many of those people have told me the same thing.
“All success begins with a positive mental attitude.”
I heard and read it all over the self help, motivational, entrepreneurship educational industries. Positive attitude is more than just being smiley all the time, but learning to take obstacles, remain in the mental state to see a light at the end, and follow through to that point. That sounds really good, and is as simple as a decision on the surface. Why then, knowing this information, having even applied it and seen it work in certain areas of life, was I still “grumpy”….like all the time? I found answers.
Going through the same process as before, learning from those ahead of me in life, reading books, and listening to different audios, I learned that those who truly had a positive attitude were those who learned how to be grateful for their resources. I heard the corny but true sentence, “
“The secret to a positive attitude is gratitude.”
Ah! I thought I had found the ticket here. One problem…I have spent most of my life struggling to be truly thankful for anything. Looking at my life, I have a ton to be thankful for. I was adopted pretty much before I was born, into a well off family financially. I had almost no limits to do and explore what I wanted as a child and was strongly encouraged to do so. My parents divorced when I was young, but I never saw that as a disadvantage, (divorce rate is 75%…statistically making me a part of the majority). I have a sister who we have very different views on life, but when it comes down to it, we love each other. I have an absolutely, incredible, awesome blessing as a wife. I have other people in my life that are a phone call away for support, encouragement, or just someone to talk to. I have had good jobs, started good businesses, and experienced the offspring of a promising future….but I could still find something wrong in every good thing that I had and focus on that one little thing.
If the saying, “whatever you focus on grows,” is true, then I was growing a garden of misery in the middle of a forest of happiness.
What was missing? Have you ever asked yourself that? I did, all the time. Even after hatching the idea for Living Above, Inc. I was still floating, with no solid action happening. Until I had eyes to see and ears to hear. The view of part of God’s creation from Royal Arch, Boulder, Colorado, opened my mind and more importantly, my heart to be grateful. It was in this state of gratitude that I heard the message I needed.
After we had essentially crawled all the way back to the hotel and found our spot to relax by the pool, my wife and I were discussing what we were going to do with my career. At this time I had just learned that I was being taken off salary from my Director of Sales position and not super sure about what the future held. Gabrielle than asked a question that rocked any foundation I thought I had established in my life at this point.
“I wonder if the reason you are not moving on and feeling fulfilled the way you want to is that you are still harboring strife in relationships in your life….maybe you need to forgive yourself?”
As you can imagine, this sentence coming out poolside during vacation came as quite a shock; but the shock is what I needed. Was I missing out on living life to the fullest mentally and emotionally because I had established a wall between those I love and my heart? Was I sacrificing the best part that life has to offer for the comfort of not facing the painful parts of current relationships? Yes, I was.
The problem with not forgiving someone, even if it is water under the bridge, is that strife will act as an anchor to the ship of your purpose. The real problem with this, is if you are holding back forgiveness in relationships with others, you are guaranteed to be holding back forgiveness from yourself. Why is this an issue?
I remember hearing Tony Robbins say, “as corny as it sounds, the secret to living is giving.”
Do you believe that? Think about it…when do you feel better, when you get a gift or give one? When you make yourself laugh or make others laugh? Cutting your own lawn or your elderly neighbor’s for free? Maybe you are different, but for me, I have always felt better giving to someone else. It is hard to joyfully give to others if you don’t like yourself; it is even harder to like yourself if you have not forgiven yourself. The longer you go without forgiving yourself, the more you don’t like yourself, the more you don’t like yourself, the less likely you are to give and the cycle of unhappiness begins.
You may be saying, I do like myself, I have nothing to forgive myself for. I thought the same, but here is the litmus test.
Do I truly have a positive attitude? If not, am I really seeing everything through the lens of gratitude? If not, have you truly reconciled with yourself and others for the painful parts of your past? If not, strive to forgive. Forgiveness is the catalyst to your freedom, your freedom can open you to your calling, your calling is your purpose for being here.
I don’t know what it is for you, maybe you have already unlocked this part of your journey. The point is to take a look to see where you can forgive, where you can be grateful so you can be truly positive in all areas.
Living Above Inc Blog 